To hydrus and readers,
I know we hang out and all, we crap, we gossip and crack jokes that are most of the time not funny. I know fun and joy is important, but if any day at all, you feel down or want someone to talk to, I'll be here. No lame jokes and no humsup talk, I'll be here to listen. Sometimes we have so many people to hang out with, but we have so few to really talk to. I know I'm not the best person to hang out and play L4D with, but I'm sure to make a good listener. So there girls or boys, if you're reading this it shows you are merely more than a companion and I'll be your confidante. I want to say this not just to hydrus, but anyone who reads my blog. I may not give the best advice but I can give you my ears; in the non-bloody metaphorical way.
So dear readers do leave me tags or talk to me on msn so that I know there are friends around still (:
Love,
Eileen
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Talk is cheap. You can tell the truth and show how flawed a person you are, or you can chose to mask all of that and make yourself look like a saint with a big bright halo above you. What you say and do are all decided by you. No one can judge another, because we never know what others chose to show and hide. Lets face it, no one is perfect, physical appearance and all aside. Solely speaking about character and nature, no one is PERFECT in that area as well, no one. Someone who never talks bad about another might have the most venomous thoughts going through his/her head, and there we go thinking how nice this person is just because we never smell a single poison in her words. But we never know, what goes on in everyone's head.
Every bad person has a good soul in them, and every good soul has a devil in them. Just which one we chose to let others see more.
Every bad person has a good soul in them, and every good soul has a devil in them. Just which one we chose to let others see more.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I think I know what played another major part in my lack of self confidence. People have mothers who encourage and believe in their children. But here I have one who asks why I am trusted to do opening and if I know how to open the door. Sometimes I think, maybe I am really not good at anything, at all. Because that's what I know from my mum, but now I'm pretty sure I am not the case.
Losing that confidence really kept from doing alot of things. Because who knows I might be making my own label and having my own runway shows if I followed that voice inside me. Or I would be out there training and preparing to cut some records.( and getting my face fixed up and getting a boob job, alright I'm just kidding)
I bring myself down so often that I am so used to self debasement. Feeling and thinking the worst of myself. And it made me think that maybe if I let others know the truth, about how bad/lousy a person I was, then I wouldn't have to live up to expectations. No disappointments or failure, right?
And thanks Dom, for the company today, if you're reading this!
From my fingertips
Losing that confidence really kept from doing alot of things. Because who knows I might be making my own label and having my own runway shows if I followed that voice inside me. Or I would be out there training and preparing to cut some records.( and getting my face fixed up and getting a boob job, alright I'm just kidding)
I bring myself down so often that I am so used to self debasement. Feeling and thinking the worst of myself. And it made me think that maybe if I let others know the truth, about how bad/lousy a person I was, then I wouldn't have to live up to expectations. No disappointments or failure, right?
And thanks Dom, for the company today, if you're reading this!
From my fingertips
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Communication is a two-way thing. No way can it be called an argument if one side is dictating the stand and the other just agreeing. This would simply be called, 'sharing an idea'. However, if one disagrees with the other, one could simply come up with an opposing view or opinion. Theres usually no right or wrong answers, just how different people see things.
Sometimes I would prefer to believe that the Earth is a cube, so that we wouldn't be living in this Circular argument, and theres more than one side to things. (if you don't get the pun here, i'm sorry) Unfortunately, more often than not, the iron walls are erected so high in front of us, we only see the one side. Along with our pride and beliefs, we believe that whatever we say is all that is to an issue. Lets face it, everyone is different, in their thoughts and beliefs. Thats when you generate different arguments.
Adults find it harder to pull down their pride, because for as long as they live, they see that one side and nothing else. It is so much harder for them to tear down those walls, or at least believe that behind that wall, there are so much more possibilities and that what he/she has been challenging for years stands clear in front of their eyes. Parents especially, will not tear down their walls. Even if they do see it, they will simply push it away with their authority. That, we're just not being good enough.
I workout now, whenever I feel that I cannot contain the immense energy inside of me to want to scream or start punching my walls. For as long as live, they have been trying to forge an image of them being parents whom we can communicate with, talk to or share our troubles. Its just like Mao's thousand flowers campaign. She tells us,' i'm open to ideas and opinions, tell me your thoughts'. Years after years, tears after tears, we've been trying so hard to let her see the other sides, but it always turn out to be another tearshed battle. Her innate sacarsm and venom stains every word she says, including her apologies. The sacarsm so thick it could strangle us both.
My friends, my brother and myself, tell me, just keep quiet and let her talk. Thing is, i hold in my hands that little hope. Like a little girl hoping that her mummy finally gives her a bag of macdonalds and tell her to enjoy it, not how many cancerous cells it will give me or how sick i am going to get after consuming that sinful indulgence. That hope is often thrashed, time after time. Each time that girl tries, but even when she gets that Happy meal, she wonders, if that meal will be happy afterall.
I should really start reminding myself that it is not going to happen. Wake up my dear, face it, it would have happened if it were to, more than 10 years ago. Or even, right before I was born. Because I'm pretty sure my brother did go more than me, and I guessed never did change anything.
Today I tried again, and today, 23rd June 2010, I will remember this failure. Lets not make it happen again.
Sometimes I would prefer to believe that the Earth is a cube, so that we wouldn't be living in this Circular argument, and theres more than one side to things. (if you don't get the pun here, i'm sorry) Unfortunately, more often than not, the iron walls are erected so high in front of us, we only see the one side. Along with our pride and beliefs, we believe that whatever we say is all that is to an issue. Lets face it, everyone is different, in their thoughts and beliefs. Thats when you generate different arguments.
Adults find it harder to pull down their pride, because for as long as they live, they see that one side and nothing else. It is so much harder for them to tear down those walls, or at least believe that behind that wall, there are so much more possibilities and that what he/she has been challenging for years stands clear in front of their eyes. Parents especially, will not tear down their walls. Even if they do see it, they will simply push it away with their authority. That, we're just not being good enough.
I workout now, whenever I feel that I cannot contain the immense energy inside of me to want to scream or start punching my walls. For as long as live, they have been trying to forge an image of them being parents whom we can communicate with, talk to or share our troubles. Its just like Mao's thousand flowers campaign. She tells us,' i'm open to ideas and opinions, tell me your thoughts'. Years after years, tears after tears, we've been trying so hard to let her see the other sides, but it always turn out to be another tearshed battle. Her innate sacarsm and venom stains every word she says, including her apologies. The sacarsm so thick it could strangle us both.
My friends, my brother and myself, tell me, just keep quiet and let her talk. Thing is, i hold in my hands that little hope. Like a little girl hoping that her mummy finally gives her a bag of macdonalds and tell her to enjoy it, not how many cancerous cells it will give me or how sick i am going to get after consuming that sinful indulgence. That hope is often thrashed, time after time. Each time that girl tries, but even when she gets that Happy meal, she wonders, if that meal will be happy afterall.
I should really start reminding myself that it is not going to happen. Wake up my dear, face it, it would have happened if it were to, more than 10 years ago. Or even, right before I was born. Because I'm pretty sure my brother did go more than me, and I guessed never did change anything.
Today I tried again, and today, 23rd June 2010, I will remember this failure. Lets not make it happen again.
The only reason I'm gonna matchmake and get married is to leave this place. But by then I'll probably be unwanted thanks to my bulging biceps from all the push ups induced by the intolerable cacophony.
And the rate shes going. I'm back to my heavy metal. But no I will not degenerate my hearing this time cause I can't imagine sacrificing music and singing for moments of peace.
And again, there are so many things I have been thinking about and want to put it down here. Unfortunately Glee has taken up all my free time apart from work. It is hugely addictive and awesome.
Till Glee is over, my desktop will not tolerate distractions(:
From my fingertips
And the rate shes going. I'm back to my heavy metal. But no I will not degenerate my hearing this time cause I can't imagine sacrificing music and singing for moments of peace.
And again, there are so many things I have been thinking about and want to put it down here. Unfortunately Glee has taken up all my free time apart from work. It is hugely addictive and awesome.
Till Glee is over, my desktop will not tolerate distractions(:
From my fingertips
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Believe
I often say this to my friends: You can't do anything if you don't believe. Your mind has the biggest biceps, not the ever bulging ones you prod on and feel proud. Thats usually how i go about giving motivation, minus the "poetic beauty" of course, haha. I once attended an inspirational workshop in hall and the speaker Ethan said:" Everyone has 24 hours, A Dean's list student has 24 hours, I have 24 hours and Bill Gates has 24 hours as well. Its how we spend every minute, not how much time we have on hand. If we don't believe in ourselves, and wallow in our own misery and pessimistic thoughts, you aren't going anyway.
Theres a light at the end of the tunnel, provided you have the courage to walk through the dark and into the light.
I used to be a walking spokesperson of an unbeliever, always envious and jealous of what others can do, and always delving deeper into what I cannot do. Now I'll just do what I can do best, believe in myself, and I will naturally do things better. (:
Afterall , its Mind over Matter.
"anything is possible if you just believe"
- A Cinderella Story
Theres a light at the end of the tunnel, provided you have the courage to walk through the dark and into the light.
I used to be a walking spokesperson of an unbeliever, always envious and jealous of what others can do, and always delving deeper into what I cannot do. Now I'll just do what I can do best, believe in myself, and I will naturally do things better. (:
Afterall , its Mind over Matter.
"anything is possible if you just believe"
- A Cinderella Story
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Introverts
Tuesday
15 June 2010
Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.
That is why i often ask, why talk for the sake of talking? Its just noise if we want to fill the silence with these banter. I'm not good at banter, nor would I say I excel in intellectual discourse. I would safely say my mind is a unique one, to an extent that some people don't get what I'm saying.
I used to loathe this mind of mine. One that segregated me from people my age group, leaving me in the anti-social category, leaving me in my own shambles. My friends who know me, thinks I'm weird but they embrace my difference. Thank you really, I'm happy for that. (: Though its often made a joke, but I know at least I don't have to make an effort to blend in to the norm.
15 June 2010
Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.
That is why i often ask, why talk for the sake of talking? Its just noise if we want to fill the silence with these banter. I'm not good at banter, nor would I say I excel in intellectual discourse. I would safely say my mind is a unique one, to an extent that some people don't get what I'm saying.
I used to loathe this mind of mine. One that segregated me from people my age group, leaving me in the anti-social category, leaving me in my own shambles. My friends who know me, thinks I'm weird but they embrace my difference. Thank you really, I'm happy for that. (: Though its often made a joke, but I know at least I don't have to make an effort to blend in to the norm.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Oops, I've moved again.
A new page again. Don't ask why I am constantly on the move. It is just that this time I want to write properly. Once and for all, with coherence throughout the posts, and also to improve my language. I chose the term language because I do not want to limit my posts to just English, I believe my written chinese needs alot of improvement as well. As my studies and work does not require me to write in chinese, I need platforms like this, to occasionally refresh my failing memory, before one day, I lose the capability to write a passage in Mandarin Chinese.
I've doing a lot of thinking and I've learnt more lately, through work, through training, through the competition today and many many little things in my mundane life.
Here's one short episode of what happened yesterday during the amazing race at little o zone, a place i'm part-timing at. It was a full day holiay event at Orchid Country Club and i was one of the three facilitators. They were part-timers who had been working there for quite some time. Hence a strong bond has already been formed and for once, I had a taste of being a minority race. To my friends of other races, maybe i've never really known how you guys felt, but I really wanna say, it really shouldn't matter. But nonetheless, differences are indeed differences, just how we chose to make use of these differences. to create diversity or create discord, it really up to us. It would not be possible for stereotypes and discrimination to disappear over night, but if everyone could see everyone equally and accept everyone, in spite of our colour, it would then create a different place as from where we are now. Then again, its so cliche to hope for world peace, but why would we see it as cliche? It seems like it is a right thing to say but a different thing altogether when it comes to taking action. If that day ever comes, I wonder if it occurs on a blue-green-white looking planet or somewhere else.
That aside. I'm reading up on Autism due to an experience with a kid in my team of 4. I noticed he was a little different during my first interaction with him.
i shall continue tomorrow. I really cannot write with my mum bombarding me with questions and my brother walking in and out as well. Next chapter : Autism - To be continued!
I've doing a lot of thinking and I've learnt more lately, through work, through training, through the competition today and many many little things in my mundane life.
Here's one short episode of what happened yesterday during the amazing race at little o zone, a place i'm part-timing at. It was a full day holiay event at Orchid Country Club and i was one of the three facilitators. They were part-timers who had been working there for quite some time. Hence a strong bond has already been formed and for once, I had a taste of being a minority race. To my friends of other races, maybe i've never really known how you guys felt, but I really wanna say, it really shouldn't matter. But nonetheless, differences are indeed differences, just how we chose to make use of these differences. to create diversity or create discord, it really up to us. It would not be possible for stereotypes and discrimination to disappear over night, but if everyone could see everyone equally and accept everyone, in spite of our colour, it would then create a different place as from where we are now. Then again, its so cliche to hope for world peace, but why would we see it as cliche? It seems like it is a right thing to say but a different thing altogether when it comes to taking action. If that day ever comes, I wonder if it occurs on a blue-green-white looking planet or somewhere else.
That aside. I'm reading up on Autism due to an experience with a kid in my team of 4. I noticed he was a little different during my first interaction with him.
i shall continue tomorrow. I really cannot write with my mum bombarding me with questions and my brother walking in and out as well. Next chapter : Autism - To be continued!
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