This is the last time i'm gonna say this.

I am moving on. For good.

someone once asked me why was i holding on to something that's futile.

i was hoping for a miracle.

i'm tired of waiting for that miracle.

we all know, miracles don't occur in real life. maybe once a lifetime. but i aint gonna waste my whole life on that.

i know hes not the one for me..

so why not move on?

i only have to open my eyes, i'm sure theres much better guys out there.

much much better.

i think i can do better too.

so, lets not waste my time.

i'm pretty sure of it now.

hereby proclaim, i am now SINGLE and AVAILABLE :)

I foresee a grueling night ahead. Alot of tossing and turning. Slept a little too early. Sleeping early ain't that good after all.

at 11:04, i got awakened by my dad. And from then, i won't be visiting my lalaland till a pretty couple of hours. As I picked up the call, my body reminded me of the proud achievement this morning. With a few bruises and a scrape, a pain in the ass, I reached hall with the bike that i changed for the third time. It was easier than I portrayed and thought it would be. This made me realise again, how I usually think that i wouldn't be able to do something, or how i see my situation to be dire and hopeless, but end up accomplishing them any way. We might get hurt, take a few falls in between, but nonetheless, get through them. Because life is an on going process. It moves on and on, it doesn't give you a time out, nor a rewind. it dashes on, on the road of no return. A really narrow road, with space occasionally to make room for some company along the way. But sometimes, theres only room for yourself. So face it, and move with a brave heart. If you make wrong decisions, you just have to wait for the next cross road. There might be a U-turn sign somewhere, but time is still moving forward, so you decide, if you want to make that U-turn. It gives you a chance to revisit your wrong moves, but then again, do we want to waste the time? or could we just move on, and see what lies ahead. After all, we are all driving towards the final destination. its just what route you chose to take, and whether U-turns pay off in the end.

i have every intention to shop at town later. Last minute shopping lest i go topless on the first day of CNY with only bottoms and heels ( I'm not feeding anyone ideas, really. ) Though i'd really love to catch a movie or two. but i doubt the possibility of it. my knees are complaining, my thighs too. they are whining about my grand plans.

anyway, i don't know if i was subconsciously using the accommodation theory, but what if i were? it shows something isn't it? Then maybe I should just shed whatever shell that's not helpful to people's perception of me. but i feel as confused as the yuan yang yesterday night. Who am I , really..

I don't like giving up on things that I do. Wish I have the same attitude for love. Unfortunately not. But we never know what we will miss out if don't move on.


On da moove

You're yes then you're no.

I think my biggest bane is my
Laziness. Bad trait of libra (stop rolling your eyes, Faith haha) if I correct that and have more discipline, I believe my capabilities wouldn't be just this. I let myself space out too much. And Its become so often that I don't catch what my friends are saying half the time. Time for a change. And no more clubbing and alcohol for me. Thanks dear, for complaining or I wouldn't know. I'll be a nice angel like before :)) I still like the not so assertive me. I accumulated too much guilt and perhaps karma as well.

Been dancing nonstop since a few hours ago. Finally corrected some bad habits but I still fluster when I don't dance with the video. Jiayou!!! And I'll needa learn my part for 我們的故事. Left my score in para's room :(( dammit. And my phone simply won't play the midi.

Holidays are ending. My guitar skills are limited to playing 4 chords, twinkle twinkle, mary had a little lamb and when the saints go marching in. Exactly what I started off with the keyboard -.- how pathetic. But at least it's music. I doubt anyone can play canon in d on their first encounter with their guitar right? Maybe apart from child prodigies that I wouldn't know.

Meeting BFF soon. Yay. I wonder why we miss each other so much when it's only been a week. Hahaha. I really don't know what I'd do when you leave. I'll cry like shit I tell u first. ( shit don't cry, yes I know that. -.-)

Cny resolution: more discipline. And find the old me back :) I feel like a terrible witch now.

True friends don't lie. Even if they do, they'll be white lies. That just sound like plain truth to me. Proved what I've been thinking about for days right.


On da moove

I really don't know now... It doesn't matter anyway ....

On da moove

Rightly said. Nothin on me. There's nothing I find worthy of mention on me. Why am I still breathing, why's my heart still beating? If I'm wasting the oxygen here, god please just take me away. Give it to someone else who needs it more.


On da moove

i laugh but i dont feel happy.

theres no one moment where i feel good about myself.

down it with the music later. for one night, i dont wanna care how slow i am, how fugly i am, how stupid i am, how untalented i am and how minute i am.

screw it all.

Sometimes I wish I had a brain tumor, at least I know there's a reason for me being slow.


On da moove

damn, i was unable to sleep in. woke up realizing that I didnt check my GPA. i just assumed it to be 3.5 since it was straight Bs. So I switched on my laptop in a blur, and went to my degree audit. and true enough it was 3.5. No surprises, no matter how much i wished for one.

people lament about getting Bs that pull their As down.... i'm stuck with all Bs. No one's pulling each other down only me myself and I. Its time i stop lamenting as well, but it won't stop till i stop hearing complaints about people getting B+ and A-.

Life sucks. when things go wrong, they go wrong together. when you feel bad about something, something else will come up to remind you that you have more things to feel bad about. it all snowballs into one gigantic ball of suck.

and my dear friends, really happy for you :) you know who you are.

constant denial is bad for health. perpetual confusion isn't helpful too.

I need a guru. and when i once thought i was one myself.

life sucks, max, when you're living mine.

You know I don't need to be perfect. I just want to be good at something. Something that I can be proud of. Or at least someone who can be proud of me, or need my existence. I really don't know what I'm living for.
Short and fugly come together. So does dumb and slow. When you're not sporty you are supposed to be artistically inclined. I'm just a combination of everything bad, not inclined to anything or talented in some area. Oh man, ball of suck. And a huge one.

End my torture please. Self hate at 2:30am is bad.


On da moove

I believe people wholeheartedly.

most of the time.

so what everyone says mean alot. i take them seriously.

Nex needs more escalators. I need to learn driving. or a
Boyfriend with a car. Snappy today. I think it's the lack of sleep.
I wanna get that pair of golden nike i saw at malacca... Damn nice, can't seem to find it in singapore. Okay I need sleep @.@ omw home on the NEL. Gonna cook dinner again later. It's like trying to do as much as I can the moment I'm home to curb the guilt.

My old injury is swelling up :(( don't dare to go get it fixed again.. Pain.... It's like when it's painful, you try not to touch it, and you think it's gonna be fine, but after a while , when u finally wanna heal it, the process is twice the pain...

Ah.... I wanna get home soon...

When everyone around you are so awesome , you can't help but feel like a piece of thrash yourself. I know I should have positive perception of myself. But there's no reason for me to do that. I try to find one thing, but there's none at all. It's like what I posted during year 1 sem 2's exam period. When my parents leave me, I don't see any reason why I should stay in this place anymore. Nothing is keeping me here.

Hi there, its been a long time.

My heart took over my brains for a while.

I guess its time to redeem it.

watched Easy A, unintentionally, because it was already 1am when i decided to embark on a 1 hr and a half commitment ( i actually don't know how long that movie is)

it left me with some thoughts, so i'm just gonna type through my yawns and squint through my teary eyes.

We see too little of the world, we imagine too little, and we ask too little. I question, because i don't see the definiteness of every single thing in life. Anything is possible, so why restrict ourselves to what we know?

Some people may think my questions reflect stupidity. Ok , i don't deny my lack of knowledge, but sometimes, i really don't see why I shouldn't see things another way..?

this goes back to what i've posted a long while ago. I said something about me going into linguistics with one question in my head for a long long time. "why is the table called a table?" and "why do i know what i am speaking, and what i mean when i hear or say something?" Now i get it, language is arbitrary.. it is a really simple concept, but yet it entails a whole lot of concepts and theories behind this concept. Theres a whole lot of knowledge and considerations behind it.

I've got more questions, but I probably wouldn't get answers from what i'm currently majoring in. I once stumbled upon a book, regarding a field of study. it was a few years back and i can't remember what that field of study is... but it has got to do with the study of how things are created, the existence of things.. maybe someone could help me on that? Study the bible some people say, but i want to keep my mind open. I'm not doubting anything, but i wouldn't mind knowing other viewpoints.

oops, i digressed again....

I like the character in the show. I like how they tied in scarlet letter into a chick flick. how she related things with the classics ( though i've never watched/ heard of them ). I like the story telling way of keeping the events organized in the show. (is there a term for this?)

I like the male lead (humphrey ftw! HAHAHA, i like him more over here). most importantly, i like the scriptwriter!! i like the humor (2 thumbs up)! and i love the parents too. I'm gonna be a cool mum :)

aight, my brain ain't working anymore. today felt so long yet so short. oh wow, irony. i shall continue later. I'm back again, so, loyal readers, sorry and thank you for withstanding the thrash that should have been on twitter instead. From now, its gonna be more nutritional for the heart mind and soul :)

OH, and sorry for the changes in the link!! i'll keep it on my msn for awhile. and i'm gonna take it down after a while. to avoid drawing unnecessary attention ( oh my word, i had a hard time spelling unnecessary ) time for bed! nighty nights!

XOXO